I'D RATHER..

I'd rather stay at home, make some quality time

and have a real conversation with real people.

Bali - November 2012

I promise my self to write more often, just in case I go crazy for real then people would know what have cause it.

Just kidding, I hope this will help me to out-focusing my thoughts from being lonely.

Let it be

Yesterday I had a big fight and so much helping my emotional situation to break even down.

I still digest all the situation I've been through.

Maybe when we get to the point in our lives; where you feel at the lowest,

so alone and couldn't afford to move forward,

you begin to see everything more clearly.

Particularly just where you are now, about the presents, and so aware how things is really are.

That's the only thing I have now.

No friends, no lover.

Now you can see where the tangle comes from.

The whole thing feels so artificial, most of the time.

Got me wonder who's gonna pull the triger to put an end to this
and paint me a picture that I could finally touch.

Let the world see how shabby I am, let them learn some honesty.

No one can weigh down this mad imagination anymore,
let it go wild, let it rushing to my bone, let it be as bad as it can be.

Let it be free,

let it feel free,

let it be anything

anything,

other than this.

I have no idea what to do, where to go.

Never meant to hurt the people who care but couldn't feel anything they say they do.

Just lying and feeling empty.

I'm lost and never been found.

Struggling just to be honest with you, to get this out of my head.

I may need something to cure me,

makes me human or just pretend that I am.

A bad writer and story teller, but I have nowhere else to go.

So I run to your old reflection, who says we could go wherever we want to.

And live like this forever.

Just what I need

I don't know if it's hormonal problem or psychological issue, but lately I don't feel much of excitement bursting inside me. Unusual. I feel like in autopilot mode for quite long and it already makes me dull.
When you begin to questioning, all the insecurity, anxiousness, and different thoughts about who we are in this world sometime become too heavy to handle. 

Thank God, I had my break out.
It's really a short trip and we're just lazying around, enjoying our time as if we belong to the city.
So good, I already miss you Bali.

I thought I was so lucky to have a green neighborhood. It makes us feel close to the nature and it's easier to feel balance somehow. But just months from now those heaven land will soon become a mall.

Just like "The Big Yellow Taxi" song.

HAVE A NICE WEEKEND, PEACE OUT!

HDR picture, taken by Meutia Ananda

Being away from home and friends are difficult. Its been 2 months since I start to live in my new droom. Its not that far from home but still its different atmosphere here. I am home sick.

It's crazy to say that since I still visit my home once a week. I guess home is'nt just a place that we livin but its more like where your hearts belongs. It may sounds so cheesy but yeah it's not about the place, what I miss is the feeling I sense when I'm there.
I guess its loneliness that speaks. I haven't make any friends here, there's no one in my cribs I want to be friend with anyway. I think I should figure out new stuffs to do for fun. Ideas?

Attending to Jakarta Fashion and Food Festival with Afifah

When i look back and thinking about the coolest thing that has happened to me this year, is perhaps become a member of nikicio team. Meeting and get to know Nina, the creative director in person was really mind-blowing I must say. She's really warm and eye opening, also what I really love about her is that she's treat us as a friend and give us as much room we needed to grow. I've learned a lot, and it hungers me more.

The past couple months, we've been so focused working on Mixte War project. The ocean picture which being printed on a silk fabric has 'wow'-ing us all, now it's hitting the market we're ready for new challange. We'll be having a resort collection which excites our team :D

I love new begining, but remembering the past always give me the goosebumps. Tracing back about how hard we worked and how wild we should play-the best thing of being young.

La Crime E Sangue - here's our blood (sweat) and tears.

Taken on after party Mixte War Show @ W Space

Okay, I get it.

My hunger of going on a vacation is too much to handle now.

It’s not the best place to live or travel, but it’s nice.

That’s how we enjoyed Singapore at night.

Millions of people in Jakarta have dealing with bad traffic everyday and I bet, half of those people have been surrender to that condition.

Well I'm not..

Sometimes I took public transportation, the condition is even concerning. I looked around, seems like nobody give serious thoughts about how poor our condition is. I guess we've been accustomed to be raised to just give in.

But I can't help myself but wonder, are they aware of how our life are in stake every time we use this poor public transportation. With no intention to be over paranoid, but its true that most of the city buses in Jakarta is a rotten vehicle-since every time I took a bus it always feels like hearing a broken record, creaking as if it screaming for retirement.

I still want to bitching about it because I know that it's not how we're supposed to live. I am not accepting the way people think that; this is what we deserve for living in Jakarta.

When we are going to fix this..
I'm no longer willing to take 4 hours on one way to my office, not anymore.
I wish we'll have better public transportation and MRT soon.

on Singapore bus

SINGAPORE ON SEPTEMBER 2011

It was my first time being on overseas  trip. Accompanied by my best mate on traveling, we were seizing the country for just 2 days. Yup it was short yet its wonderful, make me want to go back. I'd love to go back..

I always want to go travel but sigh there always something stands between it. I try to recall my particulal memories by gazing to some old photos, gathering all of the mood, the enthusiastic feelings, and the long for a journey. Oh God, hope I could add some stamples in my passport this year, finger-crossed..

COLOR MY DAY AND MAKE ME HAPPY

I miss having a good company

SUPER HECTIC MOMENT

 but we still have to enjoy everything that we do

@ Nikicio Model Casting

THIS HEART BEATS TO FEEL THE SPRING AGAIN

I HAVE A THING

for plants,

for flowers,

for nature..

it's been a while since anyone bought me flower

yes, I'm a romantic shit kind of person

One thing at a time..

That was my motto in work, and I never understood why it's so hard to just doing one thing in my hand. But in the reality, it always more than three things filling my head, my heart and my hands.
Now after taking unfinished sewing course, I've been busy with my work at Nikicio while striving to manage my own project(s). Ha! I don't know when will I execute that motto again but for now I just hope to keep on going and doing what I do. I will push myself to the limit and hopefully will do great at everything! Haha some ambitions eh?

(Photos while helping Nikicio at last 8th Brightspot Market)

GET YOU HIGH

A fine weekend..

photos by antijitters

Smartest person will knows, even the most stupid person can teach you something.

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Festival Jurnalisme Warga, Museum Nasional Indonesia.

It's been a while since going out to see some gigs, yesterday is like paying debt.
These are some of my favorite photos taken by Meutia Ananda.

* Festival Jurnalisme Warga, Museum Nasional Indonesia.

visit antijitters facebook

I have a very long list of things that I want to have and I'm sure it'll took a long process to make it real. An old pal says that if I want to have those things comes to reality, you're gonna have to deal with the process- the sweet and the bitter one. Then she puts an additional line to her speech, that I will not get what I want because I loathe the bitter process. It tooks time to digest everything especially to swallow my ego. She was right, and finally i have the fuel to start a move.

On top of my list is I want to have a real nice home with pets and great yard also good environment. Yes, now I'm facing the reality situation that I still far far away from that. So I start to compromise by getting my dream room first. I have been bitching out about how I wanted to move out and have my own space. That is probably why I couldn't get satisfied with my old room. It already becomes a total mess and everything is out of place since I start working in my room. I have to split my tiny bedroom with my working space. I couldn't describe how chaotic my room was but I always thought it was useless to tidy up because it will get messy again eventually. I know I was hiding behind that powerful excuse, for too long.

Yesterday was Saturday and I was dating my old room. I'm practically living in my brother's room for months now, he's gonna comming back so I have to move to my old room eventually. I have some thoughts about how to create my dream room and balancing the atmosphere for working and resting. It actually pretty hard because it turns out I have so many ideas on my mind and browsing through designsponge.com or other inspiration make a lot worse. Now I have too many ideas ready to blow my head.

In times of overwhelming situation, its common that we dont know what to do and where to start. I know that I got pretty irrational to ever feel overwhelm about this, even in impulsive way. So I just start with little thing to be work on such making storage systems for threads and my sewing toolkit. It turned out pretty neat! I was so happy accomplishing something and it boost up my energy to make another movement.

Finishing another assignment today and quite satisfied with the result. I may proudly say that I have some improvement on my sewing skill :D yeayy!! I still haven't find a perfect picture preset to present my goods yet, but I'm working on it too.

BATIK SHIRT PROJECT

One thing that always make me feel good about myself is to get creative and productive. Today is the day, I finally feeling so much in the mood to sew.

I have being requested while ago to make basic tees for one of my fella. She wants to put variant mode and color of basic tees for her daily outfit. Its hard for me to get in the mood of working these day since its raining all the time and I'm kinda in the blue mood. Fortunately I have a wonderful mom with her little food-boosters, I have the power to finish them all today. Thanks mom!

Here are the finished product:

So yesterday I had this photoshoot with my best mate, Meutia Ananda. She's a really talented photographer, believe me, I have watched her skill grows from the very begining of her career as a photographer, and it gets better everytime we had photoshoot. Now she is working for her photography house called Antijitters Photography.

Just yesterday she asked me if i wanted to help her on her little project. She was inspired by zen-ism, means being aware of your oneness with the world and everything in it. And this particular photo-shoot is reflected human-bond with nature. Some beauty of life isn't it? Well I instantly say yes to that, because i know the pictures will be splendid :)

Bellow are some of the result of our collaboration. I love it! She did really good and I'm really satisfied.

If you agree with me and interested in being photographed by her simply contact her by email to nt.jitters@gmail.com
She does wedding and branding photography too. You can browse her portofolio on her website.