2AM

Heard some saying about writing as a muscle, therefore needs to be exercised to get stronger. Then at 2AM I decided to work out.

"Think of your laptop as a machine like the one at the gym where you open and close your inner tights in front of everyone, exposing both of your insecurities and genitals." Colin Nissan

I Love You

I thank you,

For time that's being given

For the people I have met

For all experiences I have tasted

For luxury I have granted

For the love I have felt

For life that should not be wasted

I love you God, I hope you'd love me too

Happy Birthday Dad

27 February 2013

I am walking on my way home now

This housing cluster is so quite, I wish to be this calm until the end of the road

I am walking alone with my head down

Trying to catch one good memory to distract the burden away

I found one, it was with my dad

It was when I am about 8 years old, formerly also was a thinker kind

If I recall that that time again I begin to realized that was when this pattern begins

This restless mind must be tricked sometimes

I used to distracted myself with television, a lot

Thinking rather drag my focus on commercial breaks than struggle with such conflicted heart

Back then we only have one big screen television on the living room

A big pacifier when mom and dad were asleep, or so I thought

That was where I belong

When disturbing thoughts keep creeping me out

Cling on to the remote where I put up hopes

"seed me some happy thoughts"

Till I fall asleep

This isn't a tale of broken home

Because there was a father, my father

Carry me up to bed in the middle of my sleep

Carefully mind his steps, afraid to wake his daughter up

Gently tuck me into my bed

Made me feel like a princess that has been saved from a haunted castle

That was the moment when I finally could feel safe

That was the moment when I ensured I wasn't alone

That was the time I knew, I have a wonderful dad

The Next Chapter

Time flies so fast and rarely slowing down for me. It's almost been a year, but that is just a dosage
of dimension that we create in our head isn't it? Time more like a space to build our significance in this world,
to implement our imagination, to celebrate our existence, and that's the way I see time as a subjective thing
- everyone has their own measurement of how long time feels than how long it really was. 

Now that it's almost a dead end on this side of the road, it's time to evaluate and rejoice 
to so many possibilities at the beginning of a new chapter. It may be good, it may be bad 
- that's okay, because I know it'll be different.

See you soon..

I Think I Need A Make Over

photo credit to Meutia Ananda

JAKARTA IS A BITCH - for street walkers

This is the most challenging day for me being a street walker in Jakarta so far.

Crossing the street on a rush hour is one thing, but getting stuck in the middle of the long wide road

and almost being hit by 3 cars and 2 motorcycle (to be precise) is a lot to handle.

It's upsetting and sad to ever think that lack of concern from others can cause a road accident 

which possibly lead my way to die. Okay that's a paranoid talk, but if you ever feel that close to lose your life

on such irresponsible hand - then you'll understand what I was upset for.

The Edge of Love

It's you, who makes me feel I would never be alone

It spoiled me how you always believe there is something about me that people will love tenderly,

like you did most of the time

I don't quite remember how He puts us side to side to the point much further than love

Until we learn to have faith and surrender ourselves to all surprises He kept for us,

so we could genuinely appreciate the presence of each other in our lives

Thanks for making me believe that happiness is as real as the present,

realizing that human could feel content, even without having everything she wants

photo by Meutia Ananda

I'D RATHER..

I'd rather stay at home, make some quality time

and have a real conversation with real people.

Bali - November 2012

I promise my self to write more often, just in case I go crazy for real then people would know what have cause it.

Just kidding, I hope this will help me to out-focusing my thoughts from being lonely.

Let it be

Yesterday I had a big fight and so much helping my emotional situation to break even down.

I still digest all the situation I've been through.

Maybe when we get to the point in our lives; where you feel at the lowest,

so alone and couldn't afford to move forward,

you begin to see everything more clearly.

Particularly just where you are now, about the presents, and so aware how things is really are.

That's the only thing I have now.

No friends, no lover.

Now you can see where the tangle comes from.

The whole thing feels so artificial, most of the time.

Got me wonder who's gonna pull the triger to put an end to this
and paint me a picture that I could finally touch.

Let the world see how shabby I am, let them learn some honesty.

No one can weigh down this mad imagination anymore,
let it go wild, let it rushing to my bone, let it be as bad as it can be.

Let it be free,

let it feel free,

let it be anything

anything,

other than this.

I have no idea what to do, where to go.

Never meant to hurt the people who care but couldn't feel anything they say they do.

Just lying and feeling empty.

I'm lost and never been found.

Struggling just to be honest with you, to get this out of my head.

I may need something to cure me,

makes me human or just pretend that I am.

A bad writer and story teller, but I have nowhere else to go.

So I run to your old reflection, who says we could go wherever we want to.

And live like this forever.

Just what I need

I don't know if it's hormonal problem or psychological issue, but lately I don't feel much of excitement bursting inside me. Unusual. I feel like in autopilot mode for quite long and it already makes me dull.
When you begin to questioning, all the insecurity, anxiousness, and different thoughts about who we are in this world sometime become too heavy to handle. 

Thank God, I had my break out.
It's really a short trip and we're just lazying around, enjoying our time as if we belong to the city.
So good, I already miss you Bali.

I thought I was so lucky to have a green neighborhood. It makes us feel close to the nature and it's easier to feel balance somehow. But just months from now those heaven land will soon become a mall.

Just like "The Big Yellow Taxi" song.

HAVE A NICE WEEKEND, PEACE OUT!

HDR picture, taken by Meutia Ananda

Being away from home and friends are difficult. Its been 2 months since I start to live in my new droom. Its not that far from home but still its different atmosphere here. I am home sick.

It's crazy to say that since I still visit my home once a week. I guess home is'nt just a place that we livin but its more like where your hearts belongs. It may sounds so cheesy but yeah it's not about the place, what I miss is the feeling I sense when I'm there.
I guess its loneliness that speaks. I haven't make any friends here, there's no one in my cribs I want to be friend with anyway. I think I should figure out new stuffs to do for fun. Ideas?

Attending to Jakarta Fashion and Food Festival with Afifah

When i look back and thinking about the coolest thing that has happened to me this year, is perhaps become a member of nikicio team. Meeting and get to know Nina, the creative director in person was really mind-blowing I must say. She's really warm and eye opening, also what I really love about her is that she's treat us as a friend and give us as much room we needed to grow. I've learned a lot, and it hungers me more.

The past couple months, we've been so focused working on Mixte War project. The ocean picture which being printed on a silk fabric has 'wow'-ing us all, now it's hitting the market we're ready for new challange. We'll be having a resort collection which excites our team :D

I love new begining, but remembering the past always give me the goosebumps. Tracing back about how hard we worked and how wild we should play-the best thing of being young.

La Crime E Sangue - here's our blood (sweat) and tears.

Taken on after party Mixte War Show @ W Space

Okay, I get it.

My hunger of going on a vacation is too much to handle now.

It’s not the best place to live or travel, but it’s nice.

That’s how we enjoyed Singapore at night.

Millions of people in Jakarta have dealing with bad traffic everyday and I bet, half of those people have been surrender to that condition.

Well I'm not..

Sometimes I took public transportation, the condition is even concerning. I looked around, seems like nobody give serious thoughts about how poor our condition is. I guess we've been accustomed to be raised to just give in.

But I can't help myself but wonder, are they aware of how our life are in stake every time we use this poor public transportation. With no intention to be over paranoid, but its true that most of the city buses in Jakarta is a rotten vehicle-since every time I took a bus it always feels like hearing a broken record, creaking as if it screaming for retirement.

I still want to bitching about it because I know that it's not how we're supposed to live. I am not accepting the way people think that; this is what we deserve for living in Jakarta.

When we are going to fix this..
I'm no longer willing to take 4 hours on one way to my office, not anymore.
I wish we'll have better public transportation and MRT soon.

on Singapore bus

SINGAPORE ON SEPTEMBER 2011

It was my first time being on overseas  trip. Accompanied by my best mate on traveling, we were seizing the country for just 2 days. Yup it was short yet its wonderful, make me want to go back. I'd love to go back..

I always want to go travel but sigh there always something stands between it. I try to recall my particulal memories by gazing to some old photos, gathering all of the mood, the enthusiastic feelings, and the long for a journey. Oh God, hope I could add some stamples in my passport this year, finger-crossed..